Last Week My Brother Failed His Exams — But That Wasn’t the Real Problem
Last week, my younger brother was spiraling after failing several subjects. Straight Fs.
He looked wrecked, not because he didn’t try, but because none of it felt right. I asked him what happened, and eventually it came out:
“I don’t even want this degree. I just picked it because all my friends did. I have no clue what I’m doing with my life.”
That hit me hard, not just because he failed, but because he was finally honest. That kind of stuck, aimless frustration is more common than anyone admits.
So I told him: You need to read Adler. Or at least The Courage to Be Disliked.
Because buried in all his confusion was one simple question:
“What am I supposed to do in life?”
The Modern Crisis: Too Much Choice, Zero Direction
Most people don’t fail because they’re lazy. They fail because they’re lost.
In 2025, there’s more advice than ever, yet more confusion. We’re told to:
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Follow our passion
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Monetize everything
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Stay productive
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Be “happy”
But those are vague. And when you fall off track, none of them tell you how to get back up.
Alfred Adler, a psychologist from 100 years ago, had a rare answer that still hits hard:
Don’t obsess over happiness or status.
Focus on three things — Community, Love, and Work.
Master those, and life starts to click.
Adler’s 3 Life Tasks (That Still Work in 2025)
What am I supposed to do in life?
Adler said that every healthy person must face and grow through these three life tasks.
Not goals, not hustles — tasks. As in, ongoing challenges you keep showing up for.
1. Community: Build Where You Belong
We don’t just need people. We need belonging. Adler believed humans are social by design, and when we feel disconnected, everything else crumbles.
For my brother, part of the burnout came from isolation. No one around him was studying what he wanted — so he just copied them. No community. No real identity.
What to do:
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Join something you actually care about (club, sport, hobby group)
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Don’t try to “network” — just show up as yourself
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Ask: Where can I contribute and feel seen?
2. Love: Real Relationships, Not Just Romance
Adler wasn’t talking about dating apps. He meant deep, mutual connection — where you can be vulnerable and still feel worthy.
A lot of people avoid this by “keeping it casual” or going numb. But love — family, friends, romantic — is where your real self shows up.
What to do:
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Repair relationships that matter
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Show up even when it’s hard
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Ask: Am I being honest or just performing?
3. Work: Contribution, Not Just Career
Your job title doesn’t matter. Your impact does. Adler saw work as a life task because it’s how we feel useful to the world.
My brother hated his studies because they had nothing to do with who he wanted to be. No spark, no direction. Just survival mode.
What to do:
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Think about what problem you’d enjoy solving
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Don’t chase prestige — chase usefulness
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Ask: What would I still do if no one clapped?
This Isn’t Philosophy — It’s a Framework
Once my brother saw it like that, three areas to rebuild, not one giant “life purpose” to chase, things softened.
He started thinking less about “what job do I want forever” and more about “who do I want to grow around,” “how do I want to love,” and “where could I actually help?”
That’s progress. That’s life starting to make sense.
If you’re lost and wondering what to do in life, forget the viral advice and listen to Adler:
➡️ Reconnect with real community
➡️ Build honest, respectful relationships
➡️ Find work that lets you give something valuable
It won’t fix everything overnight. But it’s a path forward — one step at a time.
And that’s more than most people have.
Read more – Are You a Hedonist or a Stoic? Exploring Modern Paths to Happiness
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